The stories that we tell ourselves have the power to define how we experience our grief. Narrative therapy is an approach that helps individuals process grief by reconstructing their personal narratives and finding meaning in their experiences of loss. We have the power to reconstruct the stories we tell ourselves and others, whether this is about the experience of the loss itself, or the personal significance of your loss, you are the author of your story. When we are the authors to our grief story, we are empowered to give voice to our loss, which opens up space for new meanings and perspectives, and provides more control over how loss continues to impact our lives.

When we are able to deconstruct the grief story we’ve been living in, this allows us to create a new relationship with our grief. To author a new story of grief, there are some key components that can serve as a foundation to your narrative. One component is to recognize that you are not your grief, but instead you are experiencing grief. You are not broken, you are grieving. By creating this space between ourselves and our grief, this allows for the possibilities of new perspectives and meaning to be welcomed in. The next component is mapping the influence of grief, which includes exploring the ways that your grief has impacted our thoughts, behaviors, and relationships, and how this has changed over time throughout your journey in grief. The last part of our story is to identify unique outcomes. These are examples of times when our grief was not all-consuming, or when we had moments of resilience and strength. By giving loving attention and wondrous curiosity to our grief, we are able to construct a narrative that may shift the way we live with our grief. The stories we tell ourselves matter, what is your story?

-Written by Matthew Tobeck

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